


Little Things (A Pokemon Parody)

by Big_Daddy_ Oink (Lyumia)



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series), Pocket Monsters: Omega Ruby & Alpha Sapphire | Pokemon Omega Ruby & Alpha Sapphire Versions
Genre: Eventual Romance, Humor, Parody, Platonic Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-07
Updated: 2016-06-07
Packaged: 2018-07-12 22:26:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7124812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyumia/pseuds/Big_Daddy_%20Oink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brendan goes on an adventure to save the region once more (in slightly better graphics)- which would be easier if his Professor wasn't such a nut with a devastatingly hot daughter... and his rival... is... not quite right in the head...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. To Littleroot Town!

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own shit

" _And this concludes our interview with-"_ The reporter smiled, microphone raised to her too bright red lips when a man with black hair step in front of her.

_"The Handsome Norman!"_

_"Eh-herm. And this concludes the interview with the Petalburg gym leader, Norman!"_

A woman stood in front of a TV, smiling as the bright screen changed to a commercial with a happy tune; " _Pikachu, Pikachu, Pikachu products are the best for you~_ " and bright yellows. "Oh, dear I guess you missed it honey." She ran her hands along the silky fabric of her dress, still smiling at the brown haired boy sitting down at the table with a fierce glower aimed where the smiling "handsome Norman' had been.

"Who cares about Norman the Narcissist anyways?" He grumbled bitterly, drinking from his cup of orange juice and feeling hopelessly like a child. She still smiled, and said casually, "because he's your father. Now, why don't you say hi to the neighbors? They have a daughter around your age, I'm sure who would be happy to meet you Brendan." Grumbling the steely eyed boy slid out of the chair an walked out the door. "Stupid running shoe mechanics..." He grumbled urging his feet to go faster. "Why can't this be sixth gen?" Just as the words left his mouth his feet bolted forward, and ultimately his face hurtled to the ground and happily introduced itself to the dirt who was definitely not the girl next door. "Just. Wonderful."

"Umm, why are you talking to the ground?" A soft voice inquired apprehensively. "Because the dirt is the only damn thing around here that'll listen to me complain." Brendan grumbled, still sprawled out in the grass- by the way, it didn't smell great at all, _mom_.

"You could talk to me. I'd listen." Brendan looked up, about to raised a skeptical brow when his sarcastic reply was promptly shoved back down his throat and lower jaw decided it would catch flies for the rest of it's career. She was beautiful. Sandy hair held back with a red white striped bow and blue eyes bright blue eyes smiling down at him, hands on her bare knees and a few poke-balls with scratched paint on the belt of her white shorts. _All right, Brendan, be cool. you don't want to look like a loser in front of the pretty girl next door would you?_ "You're pretty."

_Pathetic._

_Scrub._

_Loser._

A faint pink dusted her cheeks. "Oh! Thank you." She laughed, hands folded behind her back as she tilted her head. "You're pretty too." She called me pretty!

_That's not a compliment, you're a guy- no, you're an idiot. The most primitive kind of Homo Sapiens._

Clearing his throat, Brendan smiled charmingly and replied in his ultra super smexy voice;" Yes, thank you, I am very handsome." She giggled, hiding her mouth behind her hands. "What's wrong with your voice?" _Ouch, our pride. "_ Uh, there's nothing wrong with my voice." _No, just that you sound like a teenage Timberlake who makes all the girls say "Bye Bye Bye."_

"You're strange." She said, walking over absently to a swing tied to the lowest branch of a tree next to a house where he could see pink drapes through the shutters. "My name is May, you must be the boy who moved in next door. What's your name?"

"Brendan," _son of the one and only true narcissist, Norman._ "But I'm all for demeaning nicknames if you want." She laughed again, a lovely bell like sound that sounded like a Chimecho dancing at the flower festivals he had once seen in a documentary. Though, he'd have the girl next door- May- rather than one of those revive downers any day. She stood, smiling at him and waving, "Well, I have to go look for my dad. He's probably out doing some fieldwork somewhere." And just like that she was gone.

_Told ya. "Bye, Bye, Bye."_

'Shut up.'


	2. Route 101!

Brendan sighed, his _entire_ body slumping, realizing how _lame_ that was. _You're just figuring this out?_ He ran a hand over his white hat, making sure it wasn't crooked atop his head, then he straightened his shirt, took some extra precaution by checking his teeth in a nearby puddle ( _you're disgusting)_ and took his first steps towards route 101, hoping that the lesson "DON'T GO IN THE FREAKING TALL GRASS" would be heeded this generation. _Unlikely._ Brendan passed the little girl who had blocked him from his his 'grand adventure' in 2002 (2003 if you were American), and internally cheered hearing the music in the background change as "Route 101" appeared in the corner of his vision.

_Admiring nature is for smucks. Get a move on._ Brendan rolled his eyes, unceremoniously telling that annoying voice in his head that reminded him of his father (ouch) to shut up or else he'd put a Bonsley where the sun don't shine. _That's just wrong._ "AAAAIIIIEEEEEEEEE!" The cry broke trough the woodland noses and startled a few nearby Wurmples. _What kind of scream was that?_ "THIS PUPPY DOG IS TRYING TO EAT MY FACE!" Brendan blinked, staring down at the Wurmple trying to curl up in the fat of the man's neck while making endearing whimpering noises. _That's kind of cute._ Dude. _What?_ I thought you were supposed to be a jerk? _Only {Bleep} don't like dogs._ That would've been a touching statement if it actually was a dog. Well, for what goes for a dog in this world.

"Help! There's some poke-balls in my bag!" The man pointed to the purse lying in the short grass. Brendan took one glance at the purse, titling his head thoughtfully. And he walked away. "Hey! You aren't going to leave me here are you!?" _So we can capture living creatures in tiny little capsules, force them to fight their own kind and trade them like property?_ Well... when you put it like that... "Okay, where are the balls! Uh, that didn't come out right." _You're a douche. That's saying a lot coming from me._

A small white screen popped up, a a small, orange bird smiled up at him with with large black eyes. **_Torchic! The fire chic Pokemon._** _Haha, let's name it Kentucky Fried Chicken._ Brendan's hand hovered over the one to the right curiously, watching the small picture and text change. **_Mudkip, the " In Every Meme" water type Pokemon!_** _Too easy._ Brendan moved away from the blue quadruped, picking up the last and staring back at the glaring yellow eyes staring intensely at him. **Treecko! The grass Pokemon that nobody ever {bleep} picks!** _Again, too easy. Soft Reset!_

"DON'T YOU DARE-"

Brendan stared down at the screen in his hands, scowling at the pixel professor tree named Professor who once again couldn't tell whether or not he was a girl or a boy. _Ooo! Let's play as a girl!_ "What is wrong with you!?" Brendan cried in horror as the box showing May became illuminated. _You'd look good in shorts~. "_ Is that supposed to be a compliment?!' _Uhh... yes?_

Fine, but he expected a soft reset once they got this over with. Brendan- May grimaced, staring down at herself and tugging on the red tank top she wore. Well, his- her legs did look nice in these shorts... "May! We're here!" Shyly, she took a step out of the back of the moving truck, stared apprehensively who was still, thankfully, his forever smiling mother who guided her to the house on the other side where his had been. "Look at this place. It's so much more spacious that the house we had in the city. You even get your own room!" May glanced around the living room of their new house with pursed lips. _So you mean to tell me that you, Dear Old Absent Daddy, and I had lived in a single room house?_ It was nice- though there were only about four buildings and the population was about ten- but it wasn't like she was going to spend any actual time here.

"Honey, where are you going? You have to set your clock!" Her mother called out when May started to leave. "It's been more than ten years, why the hell would I need to set a clock?!" She snapped back, closing the door behind her when someone crashed into her. "S-sorry!" May blinked, slightly dazed, and stared blankly down at the brown haired boy staring up at her with worried slate eyes. _Nice to see Brendan is the same old loser._ "Hello handsome." May sighed, falling into the boy's arms. _And you call your father a narcissist._ "Um," There was a faint blush on his cheeks. "I can get my dad- he's a Professor, he could..." He trailed off with a goofy look on his face. "You're pretty."

"You're pretty too." And just as the two smiled at each other, their respective, annoying voices sang _soft reset!_

After twenty more soft resets, the brown haired supposed savior of the Hoenn adjusted his clock with a scowl, grumbling,"I swear, if you don't reset your game now, I will corrupt your save file!" **I Love Balls** growled, glaring down at his name with such venom his hands shook with the temptation to tear the letters apart. _Oh come on, it's priceless._ It's childish. Soft reset. Now. _Fine._

"Oh, so your name is Ebola?" The professor spoke from the pixel screen.

"I HATE YOU-"


	3. To Route 103!

Brendan smiled down at the shiny red pokeball in his hand, Treecko in hand ( _pokeball_ ) he slid it onto the belt that would hold five more of a team he'd obliterate narcissistic Norman- uh, he meant, challenge the Pokemon league. _Sure you did. Daddy issues_ much? Brendan thought the daddy issues' where clearly established, since he was an RPG character after all. Shrugging, he made his way down to the Pokemon lab, the largest building to the south of town ( _settlement, this place is way too small to even be called a village or town_ ), pushing open a door to find an assistant helping Professor Birch dissect a very not alive Mudkip on a steel table. "Hello Brendan, Thank you for saving me." _I always wondered what happened to the third Pokemon..._ "you're welcome to keep the Pokemon you used if you wish."

Did you save the game after you K'O that Pocheyna? _Are you kidding? This is a Shiny Adamant Treecko I'm going to breed for a Unburdened hidden ability- of course I saved._ "Good."

**[A problem occurred. Please turn off the power and restart your game.]**

When Brendan woke up, he was standing in front of the Pokemon lab with dread in his stomach, threatening to upchuck that orange juice he drank 14326 soft resets ago. _Ya know, the soft reset jokes are getting a little old._ He was sure the author would come up with something new ( _and_ _traumatizing_ ) as he tentatively opened the door, the hinges creaking. "Ah, hello Brendan. Thank you for saving me." A normal, tree named Professor smiled at the boy who gaped in disbelief. _This is surprisingly normal. Maybe we should soft-_ "You're welcome to keep the Pokemon if you wish. Would you like to give it a name?"

"No."

_Yes._

"Do you want to name your Treecko, _Marijuana_?"

"No!" Brendan squeaked, though he would deny it vehemently, despite the mocking Norman like voice in his head telling him otherwise. I hate you. _I know you mean love~._ Brendan scowled, the professor congratulating him for his new companionship with _Marijuana_ , and sending him off to route 103 to find his daughter for trainer tips. He just hoped she wasn't a sociopath like her father. _I could tell you something, but this is too priceless for me to ruin._ Brendan raised an eyebrow as a Zigzagoon darted around his feet, barking happily and wagging it's scruffy tail excitedly. Cute. "Alright buddy, time to die." Brendan grinned, tossing up his poke-ball.

_I'm liking this side of you._

After reaping the experience from the dog Pokemon, Treecko was returned to it's poke-ball, and Brendan began to walk faster when a Pokemon center came into veiw. An exclimation point came into view and a man with an apron shouted; "Hey!" Already? He hadn't even had a rival battle yet! The man walked closer smiling brightly. "You're a new trainer aren't you? Welcome to Oldale Town. Let me show you around."

"There's like... four buildings here." Brendan replied dryly, following the clerk to stand in front of the Poke-center. "This is the Pokemon center. You can tell by the red roof."

"That's clearly orange, but whatever."

"And over there is the Pokemart, there you can buy trainer items to use. Up north is route 103, but the programmers made it so that you can't fully explore this cluster{bleep} of a region until you get all eight gym badges and enough HM slaves to put the Middle Passage to shame." _Whoa. Passive aggressive much?_ "As a promotion, take these!" Brendan warily held out his hand for the clerk to place the potions in, bolting into the Pokemon center the instant the man turned back around. _Man, and we thought the professor was crazy._

"Hello, and welcome to the Pokemon center!" A pink haired woman behind an orange counter greeted cheerfully. Brendan took in her white nurse hat and bright smile and relaxed. "Do you have any injured Pokemon with you?" Brendan looked down at Treecko's poke-ball, then he shyly shook his head. "THEN GET OUT!" She snapped, hissing viciously. "WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS, SOME KIND OF PLACE TO LOITER WHILE A CRIMINAL ORGANIZATION TRIES TO ERASE ALL OF US FROM EXISTENCE! GO TO THE NEXT ROUTE ALREADY!"

Brendan was already gone before she even finished her sentence, leaping over a snoozing Wingull, he skidded to a halt once he saw a familiar white stripe on a red bow- but it was already too late, and before he know it, they were both crashing into the fishing hole with a yelp. "Sorry!" _Quick! Cop a feel!_ Brendan gasped, quickly scrambling to stand in the small pool of water. He felt a Magikarp's whiskers brush against this bare leg, and May must have felt it too, because she giggled and reached down to stroke the shimmering orange scales. "So my dad gave you a Pokemon?"

"Yeah I got a Poke- wait, your dad?" Brendan blinked, feeling as if he was missing a big piece of some puzzle.

"Yeah, Professor Birch?"

_Told ya. Hilarious._

May waved a hand over his face worriedly. "Brendan?" The stupefied trainer was too busy gaping at the girl to reply, but if he had spoken it would've been along the lines of; 'this is that sociopath's daughter!?'


	4. Rival Battle!

"So he's your... dad?" Brendan repeated uneasily, standing beside the fishing pool and still slightly damp from his earlier dip. _She probably hoards the body parts of baby Pokemon under her bed._ Suddenly the image of May laughing manically over a hog tied Mudkip became disturbingly real. "Yes silly, for the fifth time, he is my father." She laughed, teasingly adding; "you aren't intimidated by that are you? He wouldn't hurt a Butterfree." Except for science, Brendan thought sourly, smiling weakly at May. "I know what will cheer you up! Let's have a battle!"

"A battle?" Brendan blinked. "Ah, okay! Let's have a battle!" He grinned, jumping back and readying his poke-ball. May nodded, tossing around her poke-ball and not at all making Brendan feel inferior on the account of presentation. Nope, not at all. "Go Torchic!" The bird chirped, narrowing it's eyes in determination as Treecko stood confidently with it's yellow eyed glare focused on the orange bird. _You realize how boring this is since they're like level five Pokemon right?_

"Treecko, use pound!" The grass Pokemon leaped forward, swinging it's round fist at the bird who squawked in indignation. _Hahaha, that could have so many double meanings!_ Frowning, he watched Treecko wince when the Torchic dug it's claws into him. _It's name is Marijuana_ , the voice scoffed as if he were the one being an idiot. He refused to call it that, no matter how much the voice protested and groaned about him being a 'spoil sport'. The Torchic collapsed- _FINALLY_ \- and May's smile fell with her shoulders. "Awe, I wanted to dissect it!"

"Huh?" _Whop, there it is. Told ya she was way too perfect._

"Didn't you hear me silly?" She giggled. "I said I hoped I would win." _Ha, you got yourself a grade A sociopath, didn't you?_ Brendan smiled uneasily, passing off her comment as a slip of a tongue (you don't slip up with that) and accepted the Pokè she offered. "Uh, right."

"I'll see you back in Littleroot town!" She exclaimed, jumping the ledge and dashing towards Odale town. Brendan followed her, except his ankle made a sickening crunch and bent at an awkward ankle when he landed. Leaving him groaning on the ground. { _Bleep}, don't you known only Pokemon have healthcare?_


End file.
